Venessa-

Wow, this sounds like an episode of When Nextels Go Bad. Your boyfriend is definitely exhibiting some blatant distracted dating. Really, this guy doesn't sound like he is getting your signal!

When he is with you .. he should be with you. Now, I understand if he needs to take an important business call, but for Redskins tickets (especially this season)... um he's doesn't seem to be very into you, or at least not respecting your time together. Oh and what is more annoying at a movie than someone's phone ringing? Hey, unless he's expecting a call about that kidney he's been waiting for he needs to turn the darn thing off! He may be a little slow if he didn't pick up on your sarcasm or maybe he just really wanted mom to come along on your date. I hate to say it, but it sounds like he might be looking for distractions. Taking calls from his ex on your time? Vanessa, you need a wake-up "call" hang up on this one and find a man that is more into you than his roll over minutes. Can you hear me now?

-Bubbe

Too late John... geesh.. no just kidding, well, from her track record (OK maybe not running around the track) she may have lost the weight due to a depression after her last break up. She may have tried to improve her looks to attract a new mate and once she is comfortable she may get back into old habits. Of course if you care about her you want her to stay healthy but you can't control her eating habits that is a recipe for disaster. Who is going to keep the cookie jar closed when you aren't around? And who wants to be on food patrol for their partner? Withholding sex is one thing, but ice-cream, you better watch your back buddy. All kidding aside, I don't think it's "shallow" of you, unless you want her to be a perfect Barbie. Wanting a physically active partner is totally understandable.

Now, John you might be able to help her without making it obvious. I would definitely avoid hurtful comments or teasing. Here is a wrong way and a right way to approach a situation: You go to the movies and she wants a huge king size bucket of popcorn with extra butter, don't ask her if she wants straps to put over her ears so she can wear it like a horse feed bag. Instead, prepare ahead of time, smuggle in something healthy. Look for some fat free or sugar free snacks and a couple bottles of flavored water. (OK AMC police.. relax) Tell her you are trying to cut back for your health. Also, tell her how much you enjoyed going to the gym together. Buy matching water bottles or something fun, or simply send an email to meet you at the gym after work, make it a regular thing. The good thing is John, she seems to be comfortable with you, the bad news is she may not value physical fitness or appearance like you do. You have to decide if you love her a lot and... a lot of her. Oh and about the "eating off your plate" thing that's one of those issues you need to just address right away... I agree that is just plain rude...blah

.

-Bubbe

Phil Phil,

Well, at least you are being honest with yourself about the situation. If your gut tells you she's not right for you, well.. you are probably right. You should feel flattered that someone is this motivated to meet you. But, ten emails a day (yikes) especially if you are not responding is a little...off. You could approach this a few ways. You could either not respond and hope she gets the picture, but if she's already emailing 10 times a day (yikes again) she might be picking out china patterns already, so you may need to be a little more to the point with this one. You could "kindly" say that you appreciate her interest but at this time you are not sure if you are a "good match." OK, OK so that sounds like a rejection, well, it is, but it's much better than letting her send you another 70 emails (did I say yikes?) before you are honest with her. And if by chance you are giving her any hint of interest, it may be fueling her so definitely act quickly and don't leave open ended emails. For example: "I'll get back to you on that. I'll talk to you soon"...etc. etc. etc. If she doesn't stop emailing you can always use the nifty little mail control feature to block her email, but I'd use that as a last resort.

By the way you are a wise, wise man to not provide your phone number right away, because unless you have free incoming calls, an aggressive person like that might leave you using your cell phone statement as a paperweight by the end of the month. Really, it's a lot more convenient to block an email than to have to get a new cell phone number. So Phil... can you hear me now?

-Bubbe

Dear Nervous in Northern Va,

Well, I'd guess that there are more first dates where the awkward factor plays a major role in the evening than not. Although no one wants to look as lost as Anna Nicole Smith in a spelling bee, it happens to everyone occasionally. Doing your homework, even at the last minute (yes, just like you did in college) could plug the holes in the conversation before it starts to sink.

Think of emergency topics to bring up in case there is lull in the action. Read the newspaper or catch five minutes of CNN before you leave the house so you can at least think of SOMETHING to say. The "So,,, nice weather we are having, huh?" comment is basically saying... "check please" on a first date. Now, about the first encounter nervousness, don't sweat it. I don't think there are too many people who enjoy the first date jitters, awkward silences and sweaty palms, but if there are, I'd put them into the same category as people who enjoy having root canals. Really, go on, get out there on that first date with someone new, why not? Worse case, you could end up having a fulfilling conversation about the weather. But, most likely he's just as nervous as you are.

-Bubbe